So, I don't blog every day because I usually don't have anything interesting to say. Really I have a lot of boohooing to do and I realize that no one really wants to hear it but, then again, they don't have to read it so I do come over here and type once in a while. It helps me clear my head.
So, since the last time I posted, my husband has lost his job again. Which means that, here I sit, waiting to exhale for not 87 more days, but 87 + 38 days. Because he was in a training class (he got fired for being five minutes late during his training period) where he is allowed to come back and try again the first week of March when another training class has an opening. I want to be okay with this. I've said openly that its really not a bad thing because this development actually makes us qualified for some assistances that we wouldn't be eligible to recieve if he were working and they'll be current for six mnoths which may allow us to catch up on a few things.
I'm not angry, please don't misunderstand me. I don't even blame him for what happened. It really could have happened to anyone and it isn't his fault. I'm just terribly disappointed and I don't want to take that out on him or even say it OUT LOUD to him because I don't want him to feel like he's let me down. He didn't let me down. He worked really hard just to get into that class and I don't think he deserved firing, but its what happened. I just really had my heart set on getting away from assistance and being able to consider leaving my current, stable but not very well paying job in favor of one that is not so guaranteed to last but better paying. Put that to the side and stick a pin in it for another day. That wolf is growling outside and I have work to do.
I once read The Old Wives Tale which tells the story of two sisters who went their own ways in life and were separated without word for a great many years. One of the sisters ran away to France and she bought a small brothel which she turned into a rooming house. There, she lived throughout the French Revolution. It mentions very pointedly that she never realized there was a revolution going on. She just knew that everything was expensive and her customers were fewer than they had been before and she was often very hungry but afraid to eat from her stocks of food because she wasn't sure how long it might take her to replenish them. She ends up squirreling away about 8,000 Francs by renting space in her house and by buying food at ridiculously low prices and then selling it for ten times what she paid. She took those Francs and bought the largest luxury hotel in Paris from its owners who had fallen on very hard times and could not refuse her offer which was less than half the property's worth. She went on to become very rich and quite happy.
I sort of feel like that sister because things are bad all over right now, I recognize that. I keep reading that things are bad and hearing it on the radio and the television. But I don't really know that there is a huge recession or depression going on, I don't think. I mean, things don't really seem all that different in my world now that everyone else around me is "poor". The half price section has more items in it now because people can't afford to buy them at regular price, but all the good items are picked over before I get there now because everyone has suddenly become a bargain shopper. You know, it has its ups and its downs but I'm still getting by. I have to go out earlier to find the best deals or shop as soon as a sale starts, but I'm getting by a lot easier than I used to and I've learned who has the best clearance sales for children's clothing and used furniture or appliances for free if I can find someone to go fetch them for me.
Every once in a while I get a hair up my ass I and decide that I'm going to buy a little fixer upper house and make it ours. Then I start pouring through pages of realty listings and reality sets in where I realize that even a $30k house is a pipe dream that I will probably never make come true. I feel sort of lonely most days because most of the people around me who do have things hard now, it wasn't always that way for them. It's like being forced to swim along a shorelline every day of your life and then one day, a bunch of strangers suddenly appear to do exactly the same thing. Now the power you had to exert just to get through this swim before is doubled because you have to navigate through the myriad of others who are doing it as well as actually making your goal. It was exhausting before. Now its exhausting AND competitive. I'm just tired.
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