Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Fuck Bucket

I want to talk a little about what I've been referring to as my Give a Fuck Bucket or just Fuck Bucket, for short. See, this is something that a lot of people find amusing or offensive that I refer to when I'm not really that happy or content with my life in general. I use it to express myself, you see. When the bucket is dry, I have not a single fuck left to give.

I was introduced to this concept by my lovely daughter at the start of this school year which was the fall of 2010. She brought home from class a certificate saying she'd "Filled a bucket today". Now I was curious about why she was spending time filling up buckets and just what she was meant to be putting in them since she is too old to be playing in a sand box during school time and getting an award for it, you know? So, I sent the teacher a note asking what this was all about. I'm a very um, aggressive or expressive parent depending on who you ask. I always want to know what my daughter is up to in this public school - and usually its a load of drivel that I really feel is at least two years behind, but that is another rant entirely.

So, the teacher wrote me back that same day saying that the class had shared a book called Have You Filled A Bucket Today which is all about how everyone has these invisible buckets in their lives which get filled by kindness and consideration given to and recieved from others. Its a hippy dippy concept of community and caring where one is supposed to be fulfilled simply by the act of giving to or doing for someone else. Now the teacher in question is called Dustin Whitis and he's now teaching 4th grade at another school in the city because apparently my daughter's current school just could not contain his awesome. Or he just drew the short straw or something. I was impressed, honestly, that he would take some time not only to teach my child fundamentals of math, science and social studies but some sense of moral goodness which could lead her to think about her community instead of herself. That's admirable. Its also MY job as a parent which I tend to take seriously where some other parents depend solely on school to teach their kids shit like "Don't do drugs" or "Taking things that don't belong to you really IS stealing and that's a crime, son".

So, I have this concept just rolling around in my brain. It seems like a good idea in theory but I feel sort of like its flawed in some significant way. I mean, eventually your bucket will be empty and there'll be no one there to fill it. In such a case, one must learn the awesome concept of Suck It Up Buttercup! in which we learn that sometimes you have to get off your ass and do it for yourself instead of expecting community pride and giving to sustain you. Yes, I do teach my children morals and giving and all the tree hugging, dirt worshipping, bleeding heart, giving until you just can't give any more masochistic road to martyrdom. However, I also teach them to pull on their big girl panties and deal with their mess.

So, now we have buckets and we have self sufficiency rolling around in my head. Eventually it all gives way to the basic idea of "What do I have the strength to give a fuck about today?" And in my mind, I put all my "Give a fuck" into my invisible bucket. Thus was born the concept of the Fuck Bucket.

Today, I checked and only had half a fuck left to give. However, realizing all the stuff I needed to give a fuck about, it got stretched too thin and no I can't even give half a fuck about anything. Awesome.